I have been working on my website since I was 16. It began as a hobby to keep myself entertained while I was stuck at an abusive home 24/7 after dropping out of high school.
I was very experimental with my work and then… the internet matured. I was expected to do a certain kind of design to be considered “good”. It must follow all these new marketing rules, which just took the soul out of what I was doing.
I have had issues with how my website looked and was re-doing it on endless loops. I just didn’t know who I was, who I was trying to communicate to the world. This was beyond having a good portfolio online to get god job offers and respect from others…This was about making an impact with my designs and art.
I was so far from that.
I was making Google ads and landing pages to sell things. I think they made money, I don’t know and I don’t care.
I came to a point where I hated everything I made. I am at the point I hate everything I make. I don’t make bad work, but I know I am just following rules and it looks good, but not what I am really looking for.
Doing this with clients is impossible, so I am starting over as designer and artist. I am not going to look to make others happy with my work, I am only looking to make myself happy. I want to create and feel that excitement when is done (instead of the dread).
I am exploring much more than what I have been, I am exploring who I want to be. I want to be in flow and in a state of interconnectedness. I don’t want to separate my artistic soul from the work that I do.
Starting over and re-calibrating.